Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?


Date: Thu, 6 Feb 1997

By the way "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

 Plato:
 For the greater good.

 Karl Marx:
 It was a historical inevitability.

 Thomas de Torquemada:
 Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

 Timothy Leary:
 Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it
 take.

 Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

 Nitezsche:
 Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
 across you.

 Oliver North:
 National Security was at stake.

 Carl Jung:
 The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
 individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
 therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

 Jean-Paul Sartre:
 In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found
 it necessary to cross the road.

 Ludwig Wittgenstein:
 The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken"
 and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the 
 actualization of this potential occurrence.

 Albert Einstein:
 Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
 depends upon your frame of reference.

 Aristotle:
 To actualize its potential.

 Buddha:
 If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

 Salvador Dali:
 The Fish.

 Darwin:
 It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

 Emily Dickinson:
 Because it could not stop for death.

 Epicurus:
 For fun.

 Ralph Waldo Emerson:
 It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

 Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
 The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

 Ernest Hemingway:
 To die. In the rain.

 Werner Heisenberg:
 We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was
 moving very fast.

 David Hume:
 Out of custom and habit.

 Saddam Hussein:
 This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
 dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

 Jack Nicholson:
 'cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

 Pyrrho the Skeptic:
 What road?

 John Sununu:
 The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so
 quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

 The Sphinx:
 You tell me.

 Sappho:
 Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all
 of Hellas' fine armies.

 Henry David Thoreau:
 To live deliberately...and suck all the marrow out of life.

 Mark Twain:
 The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

 Stephen Jay Gould:
 It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but
 we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories
 despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics
 of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific
 behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

 Joseph Stalin:
 I don't care. Catch it. Crack its eggs and make my omelette.

 Captain James T. Kirk:
 To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

 Machiavelli:
 So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which
 has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with
 fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a 
 paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's 
 dominion maintained.

 Hippocrates:
 Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

 Andersen consultant:
 Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
 dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
 challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
 newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering 
 relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its 
 physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using 
 the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use 
 its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align 
 the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its 
 overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen 
 Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and 
 best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the 
 transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings
 in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and
 explicit, and enable them to synergize with each other in order to
 achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting
 and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the 
 continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in 
 a park-likesetting enabling and creating an impactful environment 
 which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a 
 consistent, clear and unified market message and aligned with the 
 chicken's mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards 
 the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen 
 Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

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February 6, 1997