These Are From 2 Books On Court Room Bloopers By Mary Louise Gilman


Q: What is your brother-in-laws name?
A: Borofkin.
Q: What's his first name?
A: I can't remember...
Q: He's been your brother-in-law for years and you can't remember his
first name?
A: No. I tell you I'm too excited and nervous...(raising from witness
chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan,  for god sake tell them
your first name!

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Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A: I refuse to answer that question...
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question...
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A: No.

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Q: doctor did you say he was shot in the woods?
A: no, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

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Q: Are you married?
A: No, I'm divorced.
Q: And what was your husband doing before you divorced him?
A: a lot of things I didn't know about.

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Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: fair.

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Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I will be three months November 8th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A: yes.
Q: What were you and your husband doing at the time?

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Q: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been done on dead people.

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Q: Mrs. Jones is this your appearance this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Q: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A: no.
Q: what was he doing with the dogs ears?
A: picking them up in the air.
Q: Where was the dog at this time?
A: Attached to the ears.

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Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were
able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to
go. Gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with
him to the station?
Mr. brooks: Objection. That question should be taken out and
shot.

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Q: And lastly Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.

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Q: ... any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder
trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.

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Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

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Q: The truth of the matter is, that you are not an unbiased,
objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

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Q: (showing man picture) That's you?
A: yes.
Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?

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Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?


Thanks to Paul A. Rose, Jr.

Note: The information on this page was gleaned from one of many sources (email, etc.) and may or may not be copyrighted. If you are aware of any copyright on this material, please notify me immediately so I can secure permission to reprint or remove this from my site.


February 5, 1997