Deep Questions Of Life


  1. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
  2. How can there be self-help groups?
  3. If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
  4. If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
  5. If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
  6. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  7. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
  8. Is there another word for synonym?
  9. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  10. Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
  11. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
  12. When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
  13. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
  14. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
  15. Why isn't there a mouse-flavored cat food?
  16. Why do they report power outages on TV?
  17. Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

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November 27, 1996